I began this semester at a peak of anxious thought about my future. If Never Never Land was not an option, what would I find myself doing after May? Where would I go? Who would I go with? It didn't take long before the "just trust God" rhetoric started to become just that--rhetoric.
These past few weeks have been a roller coaster of ideas, dreams,emotions, spiritual lows and spiritual highs. I prayed consistently for direction, clarity and something more than just "trust." I asked this because the way I see it,no matter how much I trust God, there comes a time for decisions.
Somewhere in the midst of it all, differently than I anticipated and even when I believed I was being ignored, God answered that prayer this week. All the crazy, hyper neurons in my brain spouting anxiety just stopped. and breathed. Grace and peace. Praise God for that grace and peace-- the grace that allows for and forgives my foolishness and impulsiveness and the peace that puts life back into perspective and reveals your location nestled safely in the hands of an all-powerful, sovereign God.
As a counseling major, I've come to realize that it often takes three, four, maybe five sessions before things begin to click for a client, the pieces of information come together, and visible progress is able to be made. The beginning sessions are needed for foundation work and information gathering. The things that seem unimportant are vital. I feel that this is very similar to my life. I want to absorb every moment I have right now because God is preparing and stretching me in every step. .As much as I'd love to run off to Turkey this instant, it's not the right time. I still have things to learn and things to do here. I believe a time is coming when the pieces will be put together. For now, I am trusting my "therapist". He knows where he wants me to go even when I am ignorant of the plan. I just need to be faithful. Erwin McManus said, "I'm convinced more of us would like to be known by faith, but resist the tedious journey of faithfulness." How true.
Lord, may I find joy and contentedness in my journey of faithfulness.
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